I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
