Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
