I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We don't watch enough power rangers
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
