How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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