Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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