I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
