If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
