I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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