you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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