i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
