Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Is it penis luge time yet?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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