So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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