The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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