Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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