I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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