so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
