So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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