Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
