She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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