Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
