I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
