I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I will pee on everything he values.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
