that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
