You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
