Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
