He felt like a one man threesome
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
