Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
