My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she smelled like a LAN party
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
