My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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