My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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