life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
