Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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