Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
