He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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