called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
