i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
