it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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