I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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