i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
