never play flip cup with pint glasses
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
