Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
