Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
