My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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