Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
