Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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