Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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