I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
