walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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