sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
