last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
