remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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